Beugh. The last 2 days have been awful. Yesterday I had to finally say goodbye to my parents - which was horrid. My dad drove me and Rupert to the bus station in Oxford which is about a 20 minute drive from my house. I cried all the way there but I don't think neither my dad or Rupert noticed. I don't know what came over me at all... I don't think I even knew why I was crying. Anyways I got out of the car and my dad gives me the biggest hug and tells me to be careful etc... he left and Rupert and I waited for the coach to London. As soon as I got on the coach I just burst into tears and Rupert spent the rest of the journey trying to make me laugh - which was really nice.... he's very good at that. So then we got to my flat and we had a party for Rupert's birthday (which is today), and he went home today.
We spent most of today in bed watching the whole new series of Waterloo Road. It's sucha shit ridiculous program, but so addictive!! I walked Rupert to the tube station and then we spent about 15 min saying goodbye.... trying to leave... and failing... but eventually we left eachother successfully and it was just the biggest slap in the face ever. It was like the universe was like "HELLO! Look. You're alone now. In this HUGE city. BY YOURSELF." I camt back to my flat and just sat in my room and sulked. I have literally never ever felt this isolated. Even though there are all these fabulous people around me, and everyone is so lovely and kind and supportive of eachother - it still doesn't make me feel better. I went to the kitchen and a few of the girls were watching something on a laptop... I just made dinner and sat down, but I tryed so bloody hard to be upbeat... I don't think it worked though.
I think I've had a shit day because today was the day that it hit me. WTF am I doing in London? I LIVE here now. I moved out. No friends or family around... nothing. what?! Why am I doing this? I really don't understand my own thought process.
ajgakl Tomorrow is my first day and I'm bricking it.
I'm in the worst mood. I just want to be at home. With people who love me.
Argh.
x