It's impssible to let go of the only thing in the world that makes you truely happy.

WILLY

I warn you all I may be turning into a hermet. I just dont want to speak to anyone. It's been like this for about 5/6 days now. I've avoided all contact with anyone else I just cba tbh. Talking to people is so much effort. I guess it's because I know I dont have to try with anyone anymore... I dont have to make an effort to become friends with them because now I am.
I literally am so tired, after the play last night I came home and Skyped Rupert for AGES and before I knew it, it was 11. And I had LOADS of work to do. so I didn't get a good nights sleep last night. I kept getting up making lists (I say keep... I did it like, twice) of things I need to buy and things I need to do. My to do list is forever growing. It sucks.

The play last night was... as a play, shit. But the puppets (the real reason we were there) we fuckiiiiin amazing. Like I was literally in awe. Hopefully I can get to do something like that someday.

It looks like I'm going home AGAIN this weekend! Ruperts room mate is in a halloween thing at one of the colleges and its like £3 so I thought I would go. I think basically you get taken on a tour by a scary man and then lots of people run around and scare you and take you places hahah. Sounds good!
It's on thursday night so I'm heading home after college on thursday, and as I have thursday off, I wont be back till sunday!! Which is when THE PARTAY takes place. SO excited!!

I really wish I hadn't grown this horrible thing of not telling people what I think anymore. It sucks. I'm trying to get it back slowly... but I'm rude. This is who I am. and it's gone!!! I don't want to be nice!! It's really annoying to myself.
Basically what I just want to say to the majority of people is: I don't care for your opintion. Seriously, I know you're just looking out for me but I really don't give a fuck. Just let me get on with it and let me do it my way?
pleaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeeee because even though you're being nice, it's REALLY annoying. Also theres a girl who just need to leave me alone. and another one who has already left me... and doesn't really seem to care, just because you have friends who are boring and want to grow up just so they can afford an aga. Great! I'm sorry I'm not as boring as them, but you're welcome to them.

Wow, that turned slightly nasty didn't it! Anyway!
So today... Im sculpting this mask, and I kinda zone out for about an hour because I'm really into it and not really concentrating on what I'm doing.... just doing it as and when I feel... I turned out with this........

A big plonking willy on the middle of his face. THIS IS NOT A NOSE CHLOE. THIS IS A PENIS.

I'm sure Freud would have alot to say about that.

This is actually what I was doing... (it's not finished yet)...

But now every time I look at it all I see is one great big willy

I'm going to bed. XO

Time for School!

Time for me to go to school! Good day to you all, I really want McDonalds! kdljgfgk mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm =]
I'm going to the theatre tonight to see Or You Could Kiss Me...
It's about the lives of two gay men in 70's South Africa, portrayed by puppets.... interesting huh?

Hopefully it will be good. But I have to come home alone which I am not so thrilled about.



I'll make sure I carry a corkscrew.

STOKED for Halloween on Sunday! gunna be epic! theres about 11/12 of us going to F*ck me it's halloween at Debut and it's gunna be SICK. I'm going as a dead gypsy tattoo and I can't fucking wait. Theres a foam room and a uv room and a paint room and a inflatable Velcro wall and an electric chair... cheap drinks.... ldlfkjzg weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!


OX

Dare You to Hate This

I know, I'm an idiot. Everyone knows. Decided to wait until Xmas to see what to do about the whole bf thing. It sucks. But I spoke to his friends and it defo wasn't like the girl made out. He's going to counseling for his issues about his mothers death/affection/lonelyness... hopefully this will make him better and we can get back together. He has until Xmas to change. I know this is very vague, but I cba to go into the fucking longs of the story.
Meanwhile, Here's a bum I made today hahaha

niiiiiiice and peachy!!! weyyy!!
The life model today was on her period and her tampon was hanging out. it was disgusting. like actually vile.
lkfjlkdsjflkdjeuuuuuuuuuuughh!

Im going to a party on saturday and the fancy dress theme is - your greatest fear orrrr your greatest fantasy....
I dunno what to go as?!!?!
Ideas?!

XO

This post is boring and annoying so don't bother.

So here I am....missing an important lecture, lying on my bad with frozen sausages on my eyes because guys are dicks, and I cried untill 3am this morning.
I got a lovely phone call last night from my boyfriend's - of two years - girlfriend. Neither of us knew about the other, neither of us knew that he was a complete and utter cunt. Nice to know that after he last came to visit me... he left me to go home to sleep with her. Great one.
Nice to fucking know that he appreciates all I've done for him.... letting him live with me and my family for a year, always trying to make him happy, pround, and generally just trying to be the best girlfriend. The fact that he has no respect for women is completely beyond me.
I'm generally just so surprised, he has never done anything to me.... we've never even had an arguement for fucks sake. Ever! In two years!
I'm obviously not enough for him and he obviously is just a complete liar and cunt.
It's just really hard because I know this is the end. I want more than anything to just forgive him and move on but I honestly don't think it's the right idea. My heart says I love him more than anything and my head says RUN. LEAVE NOW. RUN AWAY FROM HIM.
I hate everything. How dare he do this to me. How dare he fucking decide that it's ok to fuck me up and over.
I hate him.
I'm going back to my frozen sausages.
XO

I

Have quite alot to blog. I haven't for like 10 days now and thats BAD. So bad. But I've been either very very busy over the last ten days orrrr very drunk.
I've become addicted to green tea... It makes me feel so much better that I used to. I think my body hates me atm for not letting it sleep and filling it with intoxicators.
I have also spent alot of money since I last wrote. I've bought alot of crap and alot of food I don't need haha. Yesterday the internet/electricity/water all broke..... so I had to go all the way to lovely Orchid's house in Camden to take a shower. I was so annoyed. Nothing bloody works in London. Nothing! The fire alarms go off every other day and they're always at silly o'clock in the morning when I have to be up early the next day.
I bought some leather and suade gloves today and the most beautiful tassle bag from H&M. They are beautys. Ohhhh annnddd I joined lookbook.nu....how very pretentious of me I know.... but I want something else to do too now that I've quit tumblr. Piece of shit that was. Blogger you will always be the best!
I have to go to a lecture at 10pm tonight. LAME. EFFORT. It's aparently with someone way important from the industry and the only time he has free is tonight at 10pm. Jokes walking home down my street on the way back. I'll make sure to wear my chastity belt as so not to get raped... Danny is walking me though which is nice....but tbh with the way he looks he is probably more likely to get raped than me!
I'm going home on friday for the weekend... Spend lots of time with my boy =] yay. I'm well excited! (oh yeah and my parents.. lets not forget them hah oops) He came to mine last weekend but he wasn't even here for 24hours =[ so I didn't get enough of him!! haha.
Carmen is coming round tomorrow for the night and I'm taking her to vodka revolution hahahha I bet its a shithole. But all my flatmates are going, and it's the type of thing she would really enjoy so were going to tag along =]
I have to go do work now but I will post pictures soon I promise =]
Adios XO

Party in C4A

XO

Today has been a really good day...yesterday however, was horrid. I was really really missing Rupert and he is so busy and his phone is crap so I basically hadn't spoken to him for like, 2 days! But then I realised that I was just being selfish and I can't expect him to always have time for me. Especially when he is at Oxford. It's just really.......hard? different? going from living with him every day and then not speaking to him for 2 days. Anyway, as I said today has been really good. I had SUCH a laugh with the flatmates. They are all so funny. I haven't laughed like that since I moved in. I think it's because we are all finally comfortable with everything - surroundings, each other, uni, etc. I didn't really do much as the only scheduled thing I had today was a library induction for an hour at 4. It's really lame but the as soon as I got into the library I didn't feel out of place any more... it was really nice. I stayed there for about an hour and got some books out ahead of my first unit on sculpting the human form, and a couple others on mould making. They are really interesting and I feel like I've gotten a step ahead of my classmates. They all seem so relaxed about everything! I don't understand.... I've already read all the books for this unit and they took the piss out of me for being eager!! haha I'm such a geek!!! I did a really stupid thing though. While we were having the unit explained a few days ago, all I could think about was food! I literally didn't listen to a word she was saying... just dreamt about sandwiches and pasta. Because I did this I completely missed the fact that we have a fuck load of work to do and very little time to do it! (which I found out today when I re-read the handbook. The nice side of this however, is that now I can finally post some work on here!) Tomorrow I'm gunna have such a long to do list! I need to find this mythical art warehouse that everyone keeps talking about and buy a sketchbook. I need to buy folders, call Tiranti's... get my Oyster card. SO MUCH TO DO. The only down side to my course is that I have exactly zero days off a week. This means A) no lie ins B) spending my evenings working my socks off and C) no job.
Not gunna lie, money is tight... I can't afford to wash my clothes this week... (Lucky I have enough clothes to last a good 2 more weeks until I run out) and I only have £10 until Sunday. Which sucks. I need to save £5 for a nice bottle of vino for Friday night. Orchid is having a house warming party and Tasha is coming down from Bath to see me! - I can't wait!!
I think it's time I wrote a list of things to do. I wish my flatmate wouldn't keep getting his "secret" girlfriend over at night. We all blatantly know about her... I just don't think he knows yet!
Then it's time for bed.
Adios XO

I went home yesterday for the night... I kinda wish I hadn't but I'm also glad I did. I wish I hadn't because I had to say goodbye all over again which SUCKED...and coming back home on the train today was so horrible. Only spending one night with the boyf and having to miss him all over again untill the next time I see him... which is god knows when. But glad I did because I saw my Mama and we went shopping and had lunch and then Rupert and I went out for dinner and watched some really long film in German about Hitler's bunker which, actually, was really interesting! I had such a lovely time... and I wasn't even there for 24 hours! I just hate having to leave my parents and Rupert and my bed and my fridge! haha. But I do LOVE it here in London. I love my flat... and my flatmates! and I love the direction that my life is going in! it's just so exciting!! My heart literally tears in two whenever I go between London and Oxford. But I'm not really sad about it anymore.. I think I've just accepted it. I suppose the real problem is just me not getting what I want which is both (obviously impossible!).
On a lighter note... Sofia, my flatmate, has very kindly notified me about the new affordable collection at Marc Jacobs so to cheer myself up me and Neda will be going there tomorrow for some retail therapy =] I literally have spent mose of my evening thinking about it!! Thats so sad right?! haha

KOKO tomorrow night.. I'm excited!
I think I will dig out my long socks for it XO